and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i wish my penis had a tongue
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
