This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
