I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
