It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
