Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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