I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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