her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
