1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
