I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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