Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
