If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
