I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
