Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
