Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
