Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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