Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
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