my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
