i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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