Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
