i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
