I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
