someone get that fucking seahorse.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
