what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can I color on your dick again?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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