love makes seman taste better
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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