it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
