how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
