I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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