The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
