I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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