She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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