I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
