I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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