sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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