So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
