You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
