Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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