Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
