I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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