win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
