I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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