I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
