Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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