She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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