2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Found the puke drawer
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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