Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
