Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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