Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
