I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
