How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
