I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All I want is dick and wine.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
