I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
