Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Green mimosas i think yes
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You are a genius and a whore.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
