when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
