glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
