I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
