My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
